Severing a Painful Relationship – Or NOT?

[tweetmeme]Often we find ourselves in a relationship that tugs at our patience. Whether it is due to incompatibility, intolerance, control or disrespect, some people sit uncomfortably with us or downright annoy us.

I remembering hearing for years how important it was to sever such relationships for self preservation. It was a way to relieve ourselves of all the discomfort. While at some level it made sense and still does, eventually you might find yourself disconnecting or running from anyone and anything that challenges you. In time, some of us begin to feel as though all we do is end relationships and wonder if severing is the only answer. Is that you?

There are times when we can’t or no longer want to cut the cord with others. This could be because they are family or co-workers, colleagues or friends. Whatever the reason, you are not willing or able to separate yourself from them. What do you do then? Stay miserable every time you are in their company?

There is another way. It may not be as easy as cutting them off, however, it could restore your sanity when cord cutting is not an option. Severing the AFFECT that others have on you keeps you in the driver’s seat of your life. Let’s face it; people will always get your goat. They will say and do things that annoy you, they will run you off the road, they will be embarrassing to be around and they will suck all of your energy. You can’t kill them all off. So the next best thing – maybe even the most self empowering action – is to release the affect they have on you.

Easier said then done? Yes, it takes practice and intention to carry this out. Once you commit to protecting your own boundaries emotionally and physically, others will no longer have the same impact on you as they once did. People can only affect you when you allow them to infringe on your personal boundary. When you stand strong on what you will and will not let into your own thoughts, feelings and physical self, you become the keeper of your mood, your power and your sense of well being.

Options – sometimes that’s all we need to know in order to feel better in these situations. Knowing that we can choose to sever or not provides a sense of relief. So, the next time you are feeling completely affected by someone else and severing is not possible, know you have one more resource. Know that you are in charge of your boundaries. Know that you can learn to rise above and even beyond the impact others have on you and your world.

For more information about working with Fran Asaro click here



  1. This entry is great! It is true that boundaries are important. People will affect you negatively or positively if you let them. I do think it’s important to sever painful/toxic relationships.


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