Posted in Online Business Building

Conscious Gaming – How a Woman Over 50 receives 9 Life-changing strengths by playing games

If you’re looking for life-changing inspiration in 2 paragraphs or less, this isn’t it, but you can scroll down to the 9 life-changing strengths below. 

I can sum up the ‘old’ me in just a few words. Passivist, Pollyanna, Gentle, VERY right brained. So, the thought of gaming was so far out of my reality that the moon seemed closer.

Xbox? What the hell am I going to do with an Xbox? I don’t even have kids, I’ll never use it. Let me just use yours. I can’t use yours? Why do I have to own my own? You want me to kill things? Me? The person who will isolate a bug for days until someone comes by to remove it alive? Shoot a gun? Well, ugh, let’s not even go there!

That was me about 2 years ago. Today I am learning to master Destiny2 after achieving my goals in Destiny1. How did this all happen and why would I want to share this with anyone? Well, because learning to game was a life-changing challenge that I took on because I was struggling and my mentor thought it would help me attain the goals that were kicking my butt to achieve.

Why did I want to change my life? – My goals were to have more balance – from the inside. When I was married, I was always in a male-dominated environment. Being single for a while, I could feel that the lack of male energy was taking a toll on me. I was losing some of the attributes I had always admired in myself. I used to be more daring, assertive and deliberate. Now that I was working with and associating with mostly women, and being very attentive to my spiritual development, I went completely female!  More peaceful and sheltering myself from anything negative and undesirable. Now to most, that seems like a good thing, but to someone like me who is committed to making a difference in the world as a leader with her eyes wide open, I needed to be more of a Yin/Yang personality.  My mentor told me that for what I wanted to accomplish, a Pollyanna would never survive. So, I decided to put her on the shelf (way in the back, in a box, covered with books and a plant) and take on the excruciating task of building my left brain.

A Side note – My mentor, by the way, shall remain nameless except that, depending on what stage I was in with gaming I vacillated from calling him the meanest person alive to the man who saved my life. If you saw the Karate Kid, then you know what I am talking about. I was being groomed when I thought I was being tortured. In retrospect, I could never have shifted without the tools I was given and continue to receive.

Back to the story – After months of resistance, I broke down to purchase my Xbox One and ONE game – Destiny. My first attempts to play this were similar to the visual of someone who is ice skating for the very first time. Only it was beyond flailing and awkwardness. I was in actual emotional pain trying to rationalize the tasks I was undertaking. I was learning to be aggressive and to win and to think more differently than I had ever thought before. There were many nights of tears and upset over my resistance to change. OVER A FREAKING GAME, FRAN?????  Yes, because I was gaming consciously. I had a purpose and it was to transform every fiber of my being. I wanted it so badly yet fought is so equally that I felt like a crazy woman.

Then one day, BAM. My reality changed. I could see the progress I was making both in the game itself as well as my real life. In the game I went from someone who used to run from an alien and hide behind a hill to avoid being ‘killed’ and who would squirm and close her eyes with every gunshot while fumbling over a ‘complicated’ controller to a more than adequate player achieving honorable milestones. In life, well, that’s listed below.  My list below is incomplete and still maturing. These are just a few of the mind-blowing benefits I received and continue to strengthen because of gaming.

  1. Coordination – It’s not that I was uncoordinated when I started gaming. But I also wasn’t taking on new challenges in that area so in that respect, I didn’t allow myself to be. When it came down to the simplest thing as learning to use my controller and all its features, something a seasoned gamer takes for granted, I had to learn how to synchronize all the features. I drew diagrams, took notes and finally GOT the darned thing to do what it was made to do. In and out of gaming, this paved a way for me to accept awkwardness as the precursor for mastery.
  2. Focus – Over 50 and learning to game? Well, my ability to focus and be attentive to my surroundings was definitely missing. If you don’t focus while gaming you will DIE! No longer could I be numb to my surroundings. I had to learn to shift into being attentive, coachable and committed. I’m a goof off as most of you know. I like to have fun. I had to learn that there was a time and place for that in gaming as well as in life. It has surely helped me get things accomplished. THEN, I goof around!
  3. Giving up resistance – How much resistance do you think you live with? I had NO IDEA how much I was resisting in my life until I started breaking down my resistance in gaming. If you are experiencing discomfort or not completely satisfied with life, chances are that you are resisting something big time. I went from resisting change to welcoming it. I went from resisting my current circumstances to embracing them. I will tell you this, there is an incredible amount of time wasted, money lost and pain endured all because of it. This is by far one of my greatest lessons learned and I continue to be a student in this area.
  4. Patience – Well, that didn’t come easily for sure. I’m someone who has had a reasonably successful life; one where I got by with little effort. Then one day when that seemed to change, I had to become more patient with my goals. Things didn’t happen as quickly as they used to. Gaming requires a LOT of patience. There’s a learning curve, the actual challenges the game presents to you and if you game with others, you will need patience playing with them.  Gaming, taught me to be patient with myself, outcomes and my pace of learning, But learning to be patient with others at a newer and deeper level? This was a true gift.
  5. Failure – Do you have any clue how much you fail when you game? You embark on missions that you can’t figure out. You work for hours, sometimes days or weeks until you overcome the obstacles before you. If you don’t give up fear of failure, you won’t make it. If you don’t see failure as the path to success, you won’t make it. If you beat yourself up every time you fail, you are sabotaging the result. Having a better attitude about failure has lightened me up tremendously. I realized that there are people out there who fail much more than I ever did, and they achieve great things. Scientists, Inventors, Visionaries and of course GAMERS! So, I fail a lot, so what. I am proud to be in the company of those who position themselves to do the same.
  6. Unstoppable – A second cousin to patience, I had to remember my training from Landmark Education on being unstoppable. A distinction that moves beyond failure and patience and demands that you find your muscle while staying perseverant and ultimately evolving into mastery. If you are a quitter, you will surely miss out on what the other side provides. Every time I stayed on a mission when I wanted to quit, I reaped great reward and satisfaction. I could actually feel myself changing deeply. I have been unstoppable in my life, but gaming has helped me accelerate that.
  7. Trust – I felt such a strong pull to change myself. When introduced to the idea of gaming, it felt like a way to go. Even though there was resistance I could tell there was something there for me but had no clue what it was. Consistently showing up for that which has no bankable outcome and feels uncomfortable, takes a lot. Including trust in yourself, your vision and the end result. Often, we have a goal or dream in mind that becomes the victim of slander. Sometimes from outsiders but most times from ourselves. Even though we feel drawn to what we want, we tend to negate it because of what it will take to achieve it. However, if you have been inspired by a thought, commitment or challenge, it behooves you to honor it and trust what is to follow. Even if it involves failure, there is a reason for it. Don’t stop the flow of your creativity by ignoring your inspirations. I’m grateful that I trusted the benefits I would get from gaming. It surely delivered.
  8. Courage – Some would say that I am courageous because I am an entrepreneur since I am 21. Taking chances, going on personal adventures and launching new passions. I would say that’s true. My courage was missing in many other areas. In my younger years, I had a lot of fears. Afraid of flying, thunderstorms and being home alone were just a few. Many of those fears are gone. However, I remember, pregaming, having mildly fearful thoughts of someone approaching me at or in my home. Here I was a pacifist whose only defense would probably be to try to talk someone out of hurting me. (stop laughing). Fast forward to several months into gaming and I find myself emptying garbage at 3am in the silence of the dark night. Something I would never have done before. My thoughts had evolved from fear of what I would do to ‘I will do whatever it takes to defend myself and they will be sorry they ever messed with me.’ This was a huge shift for me.

My courage graduated in gaming. I fell in love with using a sword when I game. From someone who hid behind that hill to having to be close enough to slice my alien, was beyond a miracle. Something changes in me when I have my sword. I feel like Michonne in the Walking Dead – Oh yes, since gaming, I have exchanged sitcoms for zombies. Go figure.

  1. Balance – Since this was my original goal, I want to make sure I showcased that balance is definitely showing up in my life. In the beginning, I was so afraid that I would lose the feminine qualities that I cherished and become too masculine as a gamer. That didn’t happen at all. I can actually feel an inner peace as I have better control of my emotions and can switch from male to female as I see fit or when the appropriate situation arises. I no longer need to go outside of myself to create this balance which is a very empowering and comforting gift to own.

Now, I know there is a lot controversy about children gaming. I’m not here to opinionate about that. My story is a metaphor for how one can change their life by stepping outside their comfort zone.  Whether you game or take a rumba class, this is about taking on something bigger than yourself. I always say that if you want to change your life, you have to CHANGE your life. Most people I say that to don’t seem to receive it as profoundly as I did. So, let’s say it this way. Big shifts take big Guts, so find a way, a mentor, a path that kicks your butt! I’m still a gentle person, only one who stands more securely in her own power. Find yours, own it ~ Chik Mystik

Chik Mystik, aka Fran Asaro is an online marketing and business coach. As a lifelong entrepreneur, she provides motivation, inspiration, and resources to help other entrepreneurs THRIVE in business. Learn more about Thrive Any Way and Fran’s Virtual Project Partner Program

Contact Fran




Fran Asaro is the CEO and founder of Thrive Any Way A Resource for building or growing your online business

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