Posted in Personal Posts from Fran, Random Posts, Thought Provoking

How to Deal with Mean and Negative Comments on Your Posts? (Trolls)


Have you ever had to deal with Trolls? Formally known as Flamers?

This is my story about becoming the victim of trolls, however, the solution is posted at the end.

Trolls or Flamers defined by Wikipedia: In Internet slang, a troll is a person who sows discord on the Internet by starting quarrels or upsetting people, by posting inflammatory,extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community (such as a newsgroup, forum, chat room, or blog) with the intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or otherwise disrupting normal, on-topic discussion, often for the troll’s amusement.

It was a tough decision whether to write this article. I don’t like to perpetuate negativity. When I shared my experience of being bullied on a Social Media Platform yesterday with a friend, she said I should write this and it needs to be shared. I then figured I must not be alone and the thought of helping someone far outweighed the feeling that I was complaining.

So there I was, minding my own business and posting my usual posts when all of a sudden, a comment came in that tugged at my strings as being unpleasant but tolerable. I thought I would respond with something light and even with a little pun. This comment triggered yet another comment from another person and the feeding frenzy began.

I must have responded a handful of times. I did not defend my product (I am purposely keeping the Social Platform and content of the post anonymous to avoid negative comments on each – because NOW I’m sensitive and perhaps a bit delicate)

After a few rounds of trying to lighten things up and then explaining why I do what I do, I could see I was only adding fuel to the fire.

You must know, I am in no way a fighter. I avoid sharing any feelings on my own platforms that could be misconstrued as controversial. And I certainly wouldn’t think of invading someone else’s post to opinionate all over them.

But, apparently, I drew attention as the meek and mild type and they chose to capitalize on that. If I were more aggressive would it have amplified faster? I think so.

After about a half hour of feeling like I had just been torn to shreds in spite of my trying to be sympathetic to others’ feelings and ‘wisdom’. I decided to step back. I even posted that I was stepping back. But no one seemed to care.

I proceeded to become the observer and witness a virus in the making. I watched as people shared each other’s posts and new people jumped on who had so much to say. It got meaner and nastier as time went on. This was my very first time experiencing such a thing. Have you ever had this happen?

I considered this an experiment in human behavior. Here, I was, completely removed as the ‘problem’ but the venom kept on poisoning more and more people. They loved the opportunity to trash, bash and become the expert on the topic at hand. I was completely dumbfounded by the level of toxicity being thrown out for all the reap.

After a few hours of checking back periodically to read the new bashes and bullying, I decided to pull the plug. I wasn’t present for the moment by moment blurbs, yet my day was so affected by it. My work suffered. My peace of mind suffered. I thought to myself,  ‘why do I feel so badly? I know better. I know this happens.’ But when it’s your time, and you’re taken by surprise, I would think shock and the feeling of surrealism may be your first reactions as well.

I deleted the post. I blocked everyone involved – there were many. I haven’t heard a thing since. Yet, a day later, I still feel violated, in a way that has me checking for ‘meanies’ throughout my day. I know it will pass. I find that the negativity in this world is something I will have to learn to let roll off my back or it will own me. However, I keep thinking why? Why do people find pleasure in ganging up on people they’ve never met, just to stir the pot of anger and hatred? Please don’t answer that. I don’t want to create a hateful feed about hateful people.

The reason I shared all this is for cathartic reasons, and to help others who may need support. I found this article written about a former hater who provides ways to deal with Trolls. I thought it would help. That’s what I would want to hear about. Which of you have been helped or were able to turn this around because of this article or something similar. I also found an article about treating Trolls with their own tactics. I am not supporting that. I support cessation, not perpetuation.

I hope you never need this, but here is the article.

Thanks

Fran

This Brilliant Confession by a Former Troll is a Perfect Outline for How to Deal With Online Haters

In his words: ‘To defeat the troll we must understand the troll.’ Read article here

 

Posted in Thought Provoking, Transition

How Do You Know if you are Living an Authentic Life?


There are loads of classes, books, and conversations on living an authentic life. It wasn’t always the ‘thing’ to be. There was a time when conforming was the rage. Follow this group or that leader. But no more.

What happened? Was there a universal shift and now everyone is moving towards individuality and uniqueness? Some say there was. Either way, the thought of being authentic feels really comfortable for me. If it does for you as well, then accommodating that thought is the way to go.

So how do you know when you are living an authentic life? I had a client ask me to help her be authentic. I hesitated for a few moments and then thought… How could I do that? How could I help her be more authentic? Then I realized that I couldn’t. Authenticity is not something we work to become. It’s something we are. While we may have covered much of it up over the years with pretending, blending and changing, we can never forget who we truly are. It’s a remembering process. That’s all.

There are many facets to living an authentic life. The aspect of ‘remembering’ is just one. To begin the process of remembering, all you have to do is stimulate your thoughts. Whether they be from the past or the present it won’t matter. When you begin to notice ways of being with yourself or even with others, you will unfold truths about yourself. Start building your repertoire of authentic characteristics of yourself. Do you remember how you used to be? Did laughing resonate with you? When you danced did it feel like you were more alive? When you carried yourself in a certain manner did you feel better about yourself?

Take your time; enjoy the process of remembering yourself. Rebuild that which is innately you. Keep what works; discard that which no longer serves you. You will be surprised to find a magnificent you reappearing.

Enthusiastically,
Fran

To contact Fran Asaro
954-494-1940
fran@thriveanyway.com
www.thriveanyway.com

 

Posted in Coach, empowerment, Perseverance, Relationship, Thought Provoking

Severing a Painful Relationship – Or NOT?


[tweetmeme]Often we find ourselves in a relationship that tugs at our patience. Whether it is due to incompatibility, intolerance, control or disrespect, some people sit uncomfortably with us or downright annoy us.

I remembering hearing for years how important it was to sever such relationships for self preservation. It was a way to relieve ourselves of all the discomfort. While at some level it made sense and still does, eventually you might find yourself disconnecting or running from anyone and anything that challenges you. In time, some of us begin to feel as though all we do is end relationships and wonder if severing is the only answer. Is that you?

There are times when we can’t or no longer want to cut the cord with others. This could be because they are family or co-workers, colleagues or friends. Whatever the reason, you are not willing or able to separate yourself from them. What do you do then? Stay miserable every time you are in their company?

There is another way. It may not be as easy as cutting them off, however, it could restore your sanity when cord cutting is not an option. Severing the AFFECT that others have on you keeps you in the driver’s seat of your life. Let’s face it; people will always get your goat. They will say and do things that annoy you, they will run you off the road, they will be embarrassing to be around and they will suck all of your energy. You can’t kill them all off. So the next best thing – maybe even the most self empowering action – is to release the affect they have on you.

Easier said then done? Yes, it takes practice and intention to carry this out. Once you commit to protecting your own boundaries emotionally and physically, others will no longer have the same impact on you as they once did. People can only affect you when you allow them to infringe on your personal boundary. When you stand strong on what you will and will not let into your own thoughts, feelings and physical self, you become the keeper of your mood, your power and your sense of well being.

Options – sometimes that’s all we need to know in order to feel better in these situations. Knowing that we can choose to sever or not provides a sense of relief. So, the next time you are feeling completely affected by someone else and severing is not possible, know you have one more resource. Know that you are in charge of your boundaries. Know that you can learn to rise above and even beyond the impact others have on you and your world.

Enthusiastically,
Fran
For more information about working with Fran Asaro click here

Posted in self esteem, Thought Provoking, visionary

Play The ‘How You See Me” Game


[tweetmeme]I had a homework assignment once that asked me to interview people in my life. I was to ask about 5 questions inquiring who I was for them. Questions like; what were my strengths and what did they think of me. Not all answers were exactly what I wanted but many showed me that I had made a difference for others which was how I really wanted to be seen.

We don’t always get to interview those in our lives. And not everyone would be willing to share their feelings either. But if you could, would you like to know how you are perceived?

This could be a tricky experiment. It’s not intended to cause pain to anyone. So try it with positive questions only. Ask questions that will give you the opportunity to be acknowledged.

Let’s call this the “How You See Me Game” and ask the following questions. (feel free to add others)

1. What are my greatest strengths?
2. What are the best times you remember with me?
3. When was I the funniest?
4. What great thing would you want to say about me right now?

Have fun with this. Enjoy it and feel free to reciprocate with your willing partner.

Make sure you acknowledge those who were generous enough to play this game with you. Feel free to post your results on my page!

Enjoy!

Happy Wednesday

Enthusiastically,

Fran